i’ve been thinking. about yoda. and how you’re not supposed to fall in love with yoda. he’s a wise old sage, a mentor, a guide. he’s there to help you learn, to help you grow .but he’s not there to be your partner, not to be the one you share your life with.

so what do i mean when i say Yoda? someone a few steps ahead of you. someone who can point to their own tangle of mess, separated only by time and hindsight and say “yes, that isn’t attached to me anymore””.

the people who come into our lives, the ones who help us heal, who guide us through our darkest times — they’re not always destined to be the ones we spend forever with. sometimes, they’re just there for a season, a transitionary period. they’re the people who help us get back on our feet, who teach us what we need to know, who push us to become the best versions of ourselves.

here’s a shitty Venn diagram. (no, i don’t know how to do venn diagrams)
there’s more than one way to heal. not everything rests on a romantic partner. I don’t care what you’ve been conditioned to believe.

Skimming this? Here’s the highlights-

the world isn’t neatly divided into “romantic” and “other.”

not everything rests on a romantic partner.

more collective discernment is needed in forming relationship/ partnerships/ attachments.

sometimes, you are your OWN Yoda. you need to be able to step in and out of this role.

opinion time
we need to be letting way more people into our internal worlds. the folks reserved for “romantic” partnerships cannot possibly be the only ones to bear the weight of responsibility for helping us collectively heal.

we need mentors, friends, family members, co-workers — all sorts of people — to fill in the spaces in our lives, to offer support and guidance. we need to be opening ourselves up to the possibility of connection on all levels, not just romantic ones.

yes, there’s a space for “if this person isn’t impacted by your daily decisions, they shouldn’t have a say/ opinion on them”. however- if we’re forming hermetically sealed, filtered bubbles of thought- we’ll never grow.

what could “cross-pollination” look like?

  • posting more “what do we think of this?” call and response stuff online
  • talking more openly and explicitly about the impact of things like limerence (on productivity and work output) — example: “since Chris started dating, he doesnt seem to give a shit about work, is this really an ethical/moral failing, when as humans, we are primed to seek out a mate? ~discuss~
  • more (positively framed) covert contracts. covert contract- an agreement two or more people will enter into that is basically “hey, we don’t talk about this, it’s too painful” so what’s a positive covert contract? it’s an operating principle/ understanding as a community that you operate from your highest good, and in good faith, always.

below- screenshot from my Yoda- “can we make this an operating principle” is basically “we are two humans, agreeing on how to connect with eachother”

there’s a movement brewing on places like threads, X, etc.like an uprising of “date in public” feedback loops.

people are sharing their crazy, their vulnerabilities, their desires. and it’s beautiful. it’s so much more than just a bunch of lonely people looking for love. it’s a collective act of healing, a shared journey toward a more open and connected world.

it’s (hopefully) changing the way we think about love.

it’s not just about finding a partner, it’s about connecting with people on a deeper level. it’s about building a community, a network of support. it’s about understanding ourselves and the world around us which we can only do through call and response.



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